HOPE

HOPE - I had this tattoo on my wrist a few years back. I took a picture of it and posted it on Facebook. I was thinking what caption I should write. Unfortunately, I didn't think of any. I googled it and wrote this quote about hope.

"Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic."

Now, I have my thoughts about it. I don't need to google it or whatever. This is what I really have now in my heart, very simple thoughts and nothing about force or magic.

1. “Hope is feeding my faith."
2. "Believe and you will see it."
3. “Walk by faith and not by sight.”

Now, I have a question for you. Do you believe in "to see is to believe?" Or you still have hope in your heart?

Let me share this to you:

I got pregnant when I was in college. My father told me to abort the baby because according to him, he has better plans for me. He told me I have no future with my boyfriend. He told me to get rid of my baby or else, he will forget about me. He said he will not provide anything and will stop helping me financially.

I didn't think twice. I chose my baby. I chose to live with my boyfriend. He is a good person. We had two kids and got married.

Unfortunately, he needed to work in the Middle East and we had no choice back then. We had no money and we used to ask for financial help from our relatives and friends. He used to say, "We will never ask for help again. We will never ask for money again."

I had a lot of difficult adjustments but I didn't lose hope.

It was very hard to raise my kids without him. I only had one dream when I was a kid: Not to have a broken family like what I have right now. I promised myself to take care of my future husband. I promised myself to look for the best father of my future kids.

He worked in the Middle East for 6 years. He had annual vacations but still, it was really hard.

When we talked about it before he decided to leave, he told me this, "We need to save money. I don't need to stay there for years. A few savings for a small business is enough."

Unexpected things happened. His parents died so he needed to go home and use our savings. He needed to stay there for years.

He asked me a lot of times to save money. I tried. I really tried my best. I asked him a lot of times to go home. He told me he couldn't go home if I would not learn to save.

I had my own weaknesses before. I grew up with no father. I grew up with no parents. I didn't want my kids to grow up with no father.

In that case, I did my best to do my part while he was working overseas. I did my best to be a responsible mother and a father to my kids.

I couldn't imagine how hard it is for him to live there without me. I used to prepare everything before he goes to work when he's still here, like his clothes and food. But there, he is all alone.

He is a very hard-working person until he had no time for me anymore. I was alone and I had no family. One day, I just woke up feeling really depressed and uttered, "I can't live like this." I used to cry almost every night. God knows I am not a selfish person. I gave up everything for him and my kids. I was responsible. I know he is sacrificing and I was very willing to sacrifice as well. Like what he used to say, "for the sake of the kids."

I did everything for him to understand that we can live together. We can work together. Just go home and we will work together. "You don't need to sacrifice everything. You don't need to suffer there. We can earn what you are earning there. We can work together. We will sleep together with the kids. We can be there for them."

I understand that he just wanted to give me an easy life. But he didn't listen to me. He's not listening to me anymore. He worked and worked and worked and worked. He was getting depressed and I did my best to help him.

One day, I woke up crying again. I couldn't help someone who doesn't want my help. My opinion became useless. He had no time for me anymore. I begged for his time. I begged for him to come home. But he didn't. He only listened to himself.

The worst days of my life came. I had a surgery. I was diagnosed for heart problems. I had very serious problems with my neighbors and my landlord. He wasn't there for me. Money is more important. Those are the things I had in my mind before. The opinions of others are more important. HE NEVER TRUSTED ME. And I swear to God, I tried to understand him.

He's been a good provider. He worked hard to earn money for his family and NEVER used it for other women or other unnecessary things.

"I need you. I need a husband more than anything else." I used to say that when I was facing challenges. He never listened to me. I begged for his time. I begged and almost committed suicide.

That's the time God started to show me how great He is. I am not a saint. I have sins. I wasn’t sure what was going on but I fell in love with someone else. He was my best friend. He is a Christian.

At first, I didn't understand everything. I still have a few questions until now. But I am sure of these:

I love myself more.

I love my family even more.

I LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE.

I had an affair and committed adultery. I am just human. I get hurt and I made mistakes.

At first, I didn't understand what's going on because it is one of the Ten Commandments. But God works in mysterious ways.

The Scripture says, "A wife is the reflection of a husband's glory."

Joel Osteen said, “It is one thing to be criticized by someone you don't really know and not in a close relationship with. But when it comes FROM AN AUTHORITY FIGURE like a PARENT talking down to his child or a HUSBAND talking down to her wife, those words do much greater damage. Their women are drowning into depression and even had nervous breakdown, all because they never received the blessing from their husband. They never felt his sense of approval.

There are husbands who never give their wives their blessings. He always pushes her down, finding faults, telling her what she's doing wrong.

Husbands, if your wife is always down, discouraged and no joy, make sure to lift her spirit. Ask this to yourself, "Am I honoring my wife?"

My story is not the end yet. I've learned my lessons and I will never lose hope. God lives in me. I've gone this far. I am about to give birth to God's promises and I will never give up.

Start walking by faith and not by sight. Never lose hope and live a happy life.